Review: Your Highness

Two nights ago we had the dubious honor of seeing David Gordon Green’s Your Highness before it officially comes out on Friday.  (As I’m still waiting to see Sucker Punch and Insidious, I was more likely to see one of those this weekend than this…don’t judge me…)

Okay, dubious honor makes it seem as if I didn’t enjoy the movie, but that’s not really true.

Your Highness, starring James Franco, Zooey Deschanel, Danny McBride, Natalie Portman, and Justin Theroux is essentially a deconstruction of every fantasy epic to ever grace our TVs. You know pretty much exactly what you’re getting into within the first few seconds of the movie, as the narrator makes fun of the various tropes of fantasy filmmaking as he sets up the story.

Yarr, thar be spoilers ahead! If yer boots shake in fear at the sight of the Spoiler Ship, don’ read no further…

About 100 years before the events of the movie, a prophecy was set in motion: when the twin moons of whatever planet this movie is set on eclipse each other, a powerful warlock will be able to impregnate a virgin and conceive a dragon baby that will wreak havoc on the populace. Yes, dragon baby.

The warlock is stopped just in time by the Knights of Good Golden Knights (I think) who shoot an arrow through his neck and rescue the maiden. Huzzah for the Knights of Good. It’s great we got this introduction because they literally will not be mentioned again until the last ¼ of the movie.

Fast forwarding about 100 years, and we see Danny McBride, strung up, awaiting a hanging by the Highland Dwarves (a silly folk) who forget that, as an average human, his feet hit the ground in the dwarf-sized gallows. He breaks free of his restraints and, along with his faithful manservant Courtney, McBride proceeds to run across the countryside, getting into bar brawls and getting high before he arrives home. Turns out, he is the second son of the King, Prince Thadeus.

Thadeus and Courtney

After the king shows us how absolutely useless the second son is (yeah, we know he’s a screwup; yay for transparent character arcs!) the first son shows up: James Franco with flowing brown locks and a vapid smile.

Once Franco appears on the screen, his bumbling happiness mixed with how good he is at warrior-ing and being the Prince really serve to make the movie a lot more fun.

/grin

Franco’s Bride-to-Be, Zooey Deschanel, is brought in as the Princess who was raised in a tower and has no idea how to perform simple tasks. There are a few really fun scenes where she Deschanels about the castle, dancing and eating in that I’ve-never-seen-a-fork-before manner. It’s funnier than it sounds and serves to set up the impetus of the story: the evil warlock (he who will impregnate a virgin for his dragon baby) comes to the castle in a swirl of robes worthy of Maleficent and with the aid of his three moms (I couldn’t quite figure out if they were saying something positive about lesbians and polyamory or if they were three facets of the warlock’s real mother, Morrigan-style) steals Zooey and her Deschanels back to the tower.

"Nooo! You can't take The Deschanel!"

Franco is crushed. First his brother doesn’t show up to be best man at his wedding (severely ticking off Franco’s knight-friend who gave his right arm [literally] to fight with the Prince) and now his fiancée gets stolen. So he sets off on a quest, and McBride and Courtney, threatened by the King with disinheritance, come with him.

So they begin their quest, going to see the wise wizard whose head looks like one of the mushrooms in Zangermarsh. He gives them a magic compass that will direct them to a labyrinth, at the heart of which is the mystical Sword of Unicorn which is the only thing that can kill the warlock.

In the forest, Courtney stumbles upon one of their retinue conversing with the evil warlock and the brothers get set upon by their own knights, led by the one-handed one who is feeling really betrayed by the fact that he wasn’t the best man.

On their own now, the brother princes begin their quest to find the labyrinth and the warlock-killing sword, meeting up with all sorts of characters like a group of maenad-type women and the ogre who rules them, a giant, evil, five-headed gila monster, and Natalie Portman – a badass in leather armor.

I spent a lot of the movie wondering when she filmed this in the space between Black Swan and pregnancy...

The movie ends up with Danny McBride wearing a minotaur’s penis around his neck, Courtney stabbing things with a pitchfork, and Natalie Portman being awesome. (yeah, I have no idea...)

I really enjoyed the movie (I know I’m being a little harsh, that’s just my style…you should see how I treat my own writing…). It was fun and funny and I had a good time watching it. It’s got the traditional fantasy-epic holes (if there is only one blade in the world that can defeat you, why would you give it to the admittedly silly Highland dwarves? Smelt that shit!) but those are part of what makes any kind of fantasy movie fun.

It pokes fun at itself and breaks the fourth wall in places (not by talking to us, but by being aware of itself…meta-fantasy?) and is just an overall fun ride. The scenery and the special effects are really nice. I wish I knew where they filmed because it’s LotR-like in places…probably on purpose. All of the magic effects were really cool and I am such a sucker for swirly colorfulness, they could have been shooting puppies and it would have been okay.

Major props to Justin Theroux who plays the evil warlock Leezar with such scenery-chewing awesomness, you almost feel sorry for him at the end. Pretty much every scene he is in is worth watching.

Plus, he has truly awesome Evil!Hair

My only complaint with the movie is that McBride’s character, our titular hero, is supremely unlikable. The traditional movement of a character from screw-up to hero is passed over here with McBride’s prince barely learning anything from his quest. It would be okay, I guess, if the other characters weren’t so nice. I just feel awful for Franco who is legitimately a good guy and he’s saddled with a brother who doesn’t really care at all. McBride’s Prince felt like Seth Rogan’s character in Knocked Up, except instead of growing up at the end, he just…stays in the same place. And because everyone else (even Courtney!) are essentially good, it just highlights how selfish Prince Thadeus is. Even the warlock appears to be a nicer character.

I like good character arcs in my movies, or, you know, any kind of growth. It can be reverse growth for all I care, but something... It rankled a little that McBride’s character is treated like a hero when he’s done nothing to deserve it but lie to everyone and rest on the triumphs of the other characters (again, even his comic-relief manservant).

I can’t figure out if that was the intention or not, but it was the only sour taste in a movie that otherwise proved to be a really good time.

Ultimately, Your Highness is full of really well done fight scenes, epic scenery shots, and some lines that I just want to use all the time, forever.

I give it 7 arrows from a quiver of 10.